Last July I had a very big dissappointment.
Yet again, months of hope was clubbed in the face with rejection. This time, I thought, was really different. (Now that I think about it, I don’t know why I thought it was different. Maybe that is nature of hope – the most unrealistically positive emotion known to mankind.)
My emotions were boiling and I just didn’t know how to simmer them down. SM insisted that I take a trip. At least to Goa. She bought me my stay. And I ran off.
Now, I’ve been to Goa hundreds of times. There was a time I used to go to Goa once a month, sometimes twice a month. I know almost all of Goa. But I had never visited Panjim and the famous Goan churches.
2016 was a strangely spiritual year for me. Earlier in the year I had gone to Chikmagaloor with my cousins and that trip turned out to be an extended excursion in the rains to some very old and famous temples, famous for their architectural splendour.
So this time in Goa I felt like visiting the churches. I hired a bike and rode around in the rain (July is peak monsoon). Goa was green and the churches were majestic. In that rain, and outside this church a moment happened to me.
It wasn’t a story or an idea. It was just rain, God and me.
A feeling of Oneness.
I had never felt anything like this before. It wasn’t a feeling that makes you want to take any action, it’s a feeling that makes you feel, There. Right There. In the most fantastic of all spaces in the cosmos – beyond the realm of physicality.
I got a moment in this place.
A moment in the rain that washed away all the bitterness and anger I was feeling. And I left Goa carrying that moment. On my flight back I decided to make another short film. My third.
I had attempted to make this film in 2015. But after months of groundwork, it fell through because the DoP backed out as the commitment was quite a bit for a pro-bono job. Plus, the way he was looking at it, it would have been quite out of my budget.
The story was there. It was a concept I had wonderd about when I lived in Bangkok; I would see these characters all the time on the streets.
The question the Director Me was asking the Producer Me was – “How can you pull it off?”
The Producer Me replied, “I don’t know how it will end. But let’s begin.”